Oh Mugshot Roundup, How I’ve Missed You Baby…

"I knew I should have bought that body waxing Groupon."

I know it’s been a while but the mugshot roundup is back with a vengeance! Click the hairy umm…umm… dude(?) above for this week’s collection from The Smoking Gun.

Existential Eeyore #70: April Fool's Day

"April Fool's Day? Oh bother. As if my life isn't enough of a bad fucking joke."

Fish: 36, Ice Fisherman: 0

The cuddly fish of Lake Winnebago (WI) got the last laugh when the vehicles of 36 fishermen participating the “Battle on Bago” ice fishing contest broke through the ice. Fortunately there were plenty of beer coolers and foam cheeseheads in the vehicles to help keep them afloat.

Despite Presence of Two Head Trout Mining Company Wants Increase In Amount Selenium It Can Dump In Local Waterways. Mr. Burns Unavailable For Comment.

Two headed trout and other mutant fishies in Idaho streams don’t seem to bother the J.R. Simplot company (potatoes and mining, who knew?) as they seem to feel the amount of Selenium their mines dump in local waterways could be substantially increased. Mr. Burns would be proud.

 

Naked Man Walks Into Wal*Mart, Steals Socks. I Hope He Stole At Least Three.

Think people make fun of Wal*Mart shoppers too much? Think again, there’s a reason for it, as demonstrated by the 300lb naked man who walked into a Philadelphia area Wal*Mart and stole a pair of socks from the customer service area.

Alleged sock scofflaw Verdon Lamont Taylor

No, I Don’t Have A Dead Rodent On My Head. Why Do You Ask?

I’m really not sure what’s on this guy’s head. It sorta looks like something I pulled out of my bathroom drain. Click on our fashion forward friend for this week’s mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun.

Wet Cement-1, Douchebag In Porsche 911–0

Yes, the cones mean “Don’t Drive Here”. No, your Porsche is not faster than the wet cement. I hope they took their time getting him out so the cement has time to dry on the rotors and in the brake calipers.