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Thursday, December 22, 2011

It’s A Bird, It’s A Plane, It’s A Honda Civic Going Just A Bit Too Fast…

Existential Eeyore #69: Letter To Santa

"I sent a letter to Santa this year. I got the letter back with a copy of the restraining order attached. Oh bother!"

Forehead Tattoos Just Because…

FU Forehead
Hope it was worth it
drake tattoo
WWJD Forehead
That skanky broad that fucked Jesse James

Doctor Finds 25 year Old Pen In Woman’s Stomach, It Still Writes (The Pen Not The Stomach)

Stomach Pen
The acid resistant pen
A British woman had a pen removed from her stomach that she had swallowed 25 (!) years earlier and whaddya know it still writes. The woman said she swallowed the pen while poking at her tonsils. I think she was practicing to give her hubby a nice anniversary gift… On a side note, how the fuck do you leave that for 25 years? Click either pic for the article from the British Medical Journal.
Pen CT
CT Scan showing the pen in her stomach

The Smoking Gun’s 2011 Mugshots Of The Year

Blue Dress Wanker
"I feel pretty, oh so pretty..."
Click on either of  these errrm…gentlemen (above was caught masturbating in a Houston park, while wearing a nice blue dress, below drunk driving) to see the TSG staff picks for the best mugshots of 2011.
Uncle Fester
Somebody forgot "her" hair this morning...

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Fights And Gunshots Erupt At “Coats For Kids” Event. Stay Classy Southfield,MI

Pushing, shoving, fighting, shooting, isn’t that what a Salvation Army “Coats for Kids” fundraiser is all about? I guess this is what happens when you invite international ultra mega-stars like Bow Wow and Diggy Simmons to your event.

Hockey Mom Takes Two For The Team, Is Facing 12 Years In The Penalty Box

Hockey mom
"I would have gotten a hat trick if it weren't for those meddling parents"
Kathia Maria Davis of Laguna Niguel California has given a whole new meaning to the hockey term “high sticking”. She’s accused of plying two of her son’s teammates, aged 13 and 16, on the Beach City Lightning youth hockey team with alcohol and performing various sex acts with, on and for them. The apparently blind 16 year old had sex with Mrs. Davis four times before alerting his parents. Hockey Mom of The Year is facing 12 years and 8 months in the state pen for her off the ice conduct.

Friday, December 2, 2011

Wow,That’s A Really Big Mugshot Roundup You Have There…

MMMMMMMMM Mugshots

This young lady seems to be seeing something she likes off camera. Click the pic and see if you find something you like in this week’s mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Existential Eeyore #68: Wishlist

eeyore61_5881

“All I want for Christmas is a loaded Glock and an airtight alibi”

Monday, November 28, 2011

Crunchy The Elf Says: “It’s Time For Your Cyber Monday Mugshot Special!”

Crunchy The Cyber Monday Elf
"Sit on Crunchy's lap and you'll get a special present."
Click on “Crunchy”™ The Official Cyber Monday Elf (above) or his helper “Methy Handjob”™ (below) for this week’s mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun.
Meth Makes You Hotter
"I'll let you click me anywhere you want for $5."

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Existential Eeyore #67: Time To Decorate

"Christopher Robin says I can't decorate for Christmas by stapling pictures of ornaments to Rabbit. Back to the drawing board..."

Friday, November 25, 2011

Existential Eeyore #66: Black Friday

"When you live with a stuttering pig and an idiot bear every Friday is black."

From Gunshots In Myrtle Beach To Pepper Spray In L.A., America ♥’s “Black Friday”

Black Friday

It’s that time of year again! Armed robberies in parking lots, People getting trampled and, new this year, people using pepper spray to keep other shoppers away from choice electronics “doorbusters”.Of course it’s also “Buy Nothing Day”, not that anyone in America even knows that. This is one American tradition I gave up on many years ago.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Real Doll? No, REAL Doll. Corpses Of 29 Women Found In Apt. Dressed As Dolls.

Rebury Me Ruby DollNever Actually Alive Doll

Can you guess which is the “Real Doll” and which is the “REAL doll”?

Just when I thought it was safe to go back on the internet along comes Anatoly Moskvin and his ghoulish doll collection. It turns out that Moskvin, a prominent historian, was an avid doll collector. Of sorts. Police investigating a series of grave robberies entered  Moskvin’s apartment in Nizhny Novgorod, Russia and found the mummified corpses of 29 women dressed as dolls along with several doll making manuals. This reads like the plot of a bad ‘80s horror movie. Damn, people are just fucked up.

The Dollmaker

“Was that wrong? Should I not have done that?”

Saturday, November 12, 2011

To Wong Foo, Thanks For Nothing. This Week’s Mugshots Roundup Is Here.

Wesley Snipes He Ain't
Arrested for prostitution. Seriously.
Wesley Snipes
"Oh no girlfriend, you are a hot mess!"

Oh Wesley what have you done? Click on either one of these lovey “ladies”  to see this week’s mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

When “Nerd Rage” Goes Horribly Wrong. Man Kills Wife For Smashing “Star Wars” Toys.

RICKIE LA DOUCHE
"Smash my action figures you will not or strangle your ass I will"

A 30-year-old British man was found guilty of murder for strangling his wife, whom he said had damaged his extensive collection of "Star Wars" toys.
Rickie La Touche, also known as Rickie Nehls, was sentenced to life in prison with the possibility of parole after 12 years, The Telegraph reports.
That shit was worth money yo.

Bonus Blood, Because I was Lazy Last Week!

Bonus Blood

Better late than never I guess. Here’s last weeks’ mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun.

Our Jails Are Filled With Dumb People. Look At Them And Laugh With The Mugshot Roundup!

Every Tattoo's A Dollar
"Bigger, Better,Cheaper"??? I'm sure he'll be the belle of the cellblock.
Once again The Smoking Gun brings you the finest in “At least I’m not as bad as him/her” entertainment. Click our low budget tattoo aficionado for this week’s mugshot roundup.

300th Post!

300

No real content here, just marking my 300th post (and passing 20,000 pageviews). 300 is about 275 more  posts than I ever expected to make since I started this blog in ‘09 and pretty much let lie dormant until ‘11. Tonight we dine in Milwaukee!!!!!

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Existential Eeyore #65: Halloween

"The only good thing about Halloween is that I can wear women's clothes and nobody questions it."

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Man Firebombs Taco Bell Over Skimpy Chalupa. I’ve Firebombed Taco Bell’s Bathroom Many Times.

Chehuahua
Occupy The North Slappey Taco Bell!
Albany Georgia police and arson investigators are searching for a man who firebombed the North Slappey (I’m not making that up) Taco Bell after workers skimped on the beef for his XL Chalupas and refused to remake them as it was closing time. Dude, it’s a fucking Chalupa. Seriously, let it go. Oh, and your “firebomb” sucked, use a glass bottle next time.
Lamebomb
The devastating damage from the North Slappey firebombing.

Saturday, October 22, 2011

Hooker Strangles Man With Suspenders For Trying To Kiss Her. Didn’t He See “Pretty Woman”?

Urkel
"Did I do that?"
Precious
"Oh no you di'int!"
   
A nineteen year old prostitute in Milwaukee is accused of strangling a sixty-three year john with his suspenders for trying to kiss her. Precious Dupriest said she had gone to a hotel room with Billy W. Murray to smoke a $40 crack rock and “have some fun”. She freaked when Murray tried to kiss her because “that’s disgusting”. Apparently smoking crack and having sex with a complete stranger is cool but kissing, that’s over the line. Just for good measure Precious stole Murray’s pants and Cadillac on her way out. Stay classy Milwaukee!

Man Beats Woman With Frozen Armadillo. No, That’s Not A Euphemism For His Junk.

Eat Me
WHAR JUSTICE FOR ARMADILLO? WHAR!!!??!!
Dallas police report that a 57 year old woman was struck twice with a frozen armadillo in a price dispute with the man selling the carcass. For some reason the woman was apparently planning to eat the armadillo in question. Dallas police were unable to locate the man who could be facing assault charges.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

If Americans Can’t Have Sex While Skydiving The Terrorists Have Won. Link To Vid Inside

Free Balling
The FAA is investigating a videotaped mid-air sexual encounter between skydiving instructor Alex Torres and Skydive Taft receptionist Hope Howell. Apparently the government is investigating whether or not the act “distracted” the pilot which is a violation of federal rules. That and the fact that no TSA agent was allowed to grope the receptionist before takeoff.

Friday, October 14, 2011

McDonald’s Employee Serves Up Whoop Ass Meal Fortified With An Iron Bar.


Two women at a Manhattan McDonald’s who went after a cashier that questioned their $50 bill got more than they bargained for when they slapped the cashier and jumped the counter. Turns out the Micky D’s worker, Rayon McIntosh, had just got out of prison for killing a high-school classmate in 2000. After the women jumped the counter he Beat. The. Fuck. out of them with an iron bar. Looks like self defense to me…

The new McDonald's ad campaign ?


UPDATE: CNN reports that a New York grand jury has declined to indict Rayon McIntosh on a charge of felony assault. The two women who jumped the counter and were beaten, Denise Darbeau and Rachael Edwards,each face pending charges of menacing, criminal trespassing and disorderly conduct.




Fred Durst Working On Show For CBS Titled “Douchebag”. Great, Another Reality Show.

Douchebag
"You...should be ashamed of yourself for making me famous."
AOLTV is reporting that Limp Bizkit frontman Fred Durst is working on a new show for CBS with the working title “Douchebag” about “a rock legend who is trying to balance his celebrity life with his family life.” At first I thought it was a reality show until I read the word “legend”. If you needed any proof that American society is in deep decline look no further.

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Two Pregnant Women Knife Two Other Women Visiting Their Man In The Hospital. Stay Classy Chester, PA

Crozer

Two women aged 15 and 36 were visiting a man recovering from a gunshot wound at Crozer-Chester Medical Center in Pennsylvania were set upon by two pregnant women who arrived at the hospital to visit the same man. The not pregnant women we both injured with an edged weapon and were treated at the hospital (convinient no?). For some reason I am not at all surprised that the man in question was shot, it was probably done by a current baby mama/soon to be baby mama or future baby mama.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Holy Shit, It’s A Fucking Antelope!


What are the odds of being hit by a huge antelope while mountain biking in South Africa? Pretty good apparently.

Monday, October 10, 2011

Sonoma Police Hoping To Flush Out Mystery Enema Woman

They Never Look Like This

Sonoma California police are trying to hunt down a mystery woman who entered the home of a visually impaired 53 year old man who had recently had intestinal surgery and performed an enema on him. The man was apparently left “befuddled” by the incident. Befuddled but clean, very clean.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Fight At Wal*Mart Sends 19 To Hospital. Stay Classy Baltimore.

Rollback Diva
A Wal*Mart Super Center in Baltimore County, Maryland was evacuated and 19 people taken to local hospitals (one with a potential serious eye injury) after some baby mama drama escalated and Theresa Monique Jefferson, 33, allegedly threw bleach and Pine-Sol on the other woman. In case you didn’t know mixing bleach and ammonia creates a toxic gas and the local HazMat team was called in. The store was evacuated, ventilated and cleaned and re-opened that same day. Well, at least that part of the floor was clean.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Friday, October 7, 2011

Who’s The Man? I Am, Cuz I’ve Got Mugshots Bro!

 

Mushot Me Bro

Click on Mr. Awesome above for this week’s mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun.

18 Year Old Chick Robs Neighbor To Feed Porn Addiction. So Far, So Good…Aaah That’s An Unfortunate Mugshot.

Randy Mandy
I dub thee "Randy Mandy"
Amanda Owens, 18 had apparently burglarized her neighbors home several times to steal items she could pawn for cash to buy porn DVDs. She probably should have spent some of the money on proactiv. Click the pic for the full story from The Smoking Gun.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Khloe Kardashian…Correction: 33 Foot Whale Found Dead In Field 1/2 Mile From Ocean

Khloe In FieldAnd we shall call her "Khloe"

A 33 foot long female sei whale was found dead in a field almost 1/2 mile from the ocean in East Yorkshire, England. Authorities believe the whale reached the field via an unusually high seasonal tide or a really big taxi. Click the pic for the full story from The Telegraph.

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

California Woman Who Wasn’t Thinking Arby’s When She Killed, Cooked And Ate Husband Hungers For Freedom


He would have wanted it this way
"Is this wrong? Should I not be eating my husband?"
Omaima Aree Nelson killed and ate her husband in 1991 after she was unable to dispose of his entire body afer running the garbage disposal for two solid days. The Egyptian born former model wowed authorities with such Grade A Choice quotes as: "I Did His Ribs Just Like in a Restaurant" and, my personal favorite, "Nothing tastes as good as the man I married. It's the sauce that does it.". Needless to say some are opposing her application for parole. Just in case you were wondering, that's not her in the picture above.

Monday, October 3, 2011

Amanda “Foxy Knoxy” Knox Ordered Released From Italian Prison, Nancy Grace’s Nipple Outraged.


Foxy Knoxy
Does this look like the face of a killer to you? Now the picture below on the other hand...
American Amanda Knox and her Italian former boyfriend Raffaele Sollecito have had their convictions for the murder of British student Meredith Kercher overturned by an Italian appeals court. The two have ordered freed immediately. A third person convicted in the internationally infamous case, Rudy Hermann Guede, remains imprisoned.
The Nipple Of Doom
"The Devil is dancing tonight. Wait, let me rephrase that..."

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Friday, September 30, 2011

“Drifting” Saudi Style. These Fuckers Are Crazy.

Forget The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo drift, this is The Motherfucking Saudi Drift In Traffic Featuring AK-47s!

Video: Woman Goes Psycho In Home Improvement Store. On Wisconsin!


Meet 23 year old Mariah Pyatskowit of Appleton Wisconsin. The student and mother of two, who once tried out for Playboy magazine, completely lost her shit in a local Menard’s home improvement store after she tried to cut into a checkout line on Black Friday and got called out on it. On Monday Mariah received 40 hours of community service for her little performance art piece.

Avast Matey! Here Be Your Mugshot Roundup!

Avast
Ahoy there! If it's mugshots ye be seeking click me picture for this week's roundup from The Smoking Gun.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Existential Eeyore #64: O' Crappy Day

It's raining again. No, it's sunny. Now it's raining again. Now it's sunny. And now it's hailing. Wait...now it's sunny and  raining. Fuck it, I'm going back to bed.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

“Frank and Louie” Is A Two-Faced Cat. No, Really, He Has Two Faces. Seriously.

Holy Fuck It's A Cat With Two Faces
"I will haunt your dreams forever."
And he’s in The Guinness Book of World Records… Click the pic for the article from the Worcester Telegram.



Photo Credit: (T&G Staff/DAVID NILES)

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Kick Off Your Shoes Ladies, The “Toe Suck Fairy” Is In Custody!

Toe Suck Fairy
"This Little Piggy got fondled, this Little Piggy got sucked, this Little Piggy got amputated...wait, where are you going? Come back!"
Michael Robert Wyatt, 50, was arrested on Monday after two women identified him from a photo line-up as "the man who approached them in local stores commenting on their feet and asking to suck their toes, said LaTresha Woodruff, spokeswoman for the Conway Police Department
Oh but it gets better, Wyatt has previously served time for foot related crimes…
In the 1990s, Wyatt pretended to be a podiatrist in order to fondle and suck a Conway woman's toes at a clothing store.
He got probation for that and then…
In 1991, Wyatt was convicted of making threats for telling a convenience store clerk that he wanted to cut off her feet and suck her toes while she bled to death.
He served a year in prison for that one and then…
In 1999, he was arrested again, police said, after asking a woman in a northwest Arkansas Walmart if she wanted him to amputate her feet and showing her pictures of women with no feet.

“My cousin's entire Bridal Party sank into a lake this weekend. Awesome picture....”

Haha
Probably shouldn’t have asked “Big Linda” to be a bridesmaid…

[imgur via Fark]

UPDATE: There’s video…

Monday, September 26, 2011

Exploding Toilet Injures Woman. Taco Bell Chihuahua Wanted For Questioning

Tasty Food Is Not A Crime
If you see this dog DO NOT approach him contact your local authorities immediately.
WUSA reports: A woman was sent to the hospital after a toilet exploded at the General Services Administration (GSA) Building in DC.
A memo was issued warning GSA workers not to use the toilets in the building until further notice. Congress is considering a ban on the Taco Bell XXLGrilled Stuft Burrito in the wake of this national tragedy. 

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Come At Me Bro!

come_at_me_bro

This kid has a bright future. [via WTC]

Peru bar serves fresh frog juice




Peru bar serves fresh frog juice. Ooookay.

You’ve lost your job. You’ve lost your house. You’re down to your last $1,000. Can you make it through the month? Give It A Shot.

My Wallet

From MarketWatch.com:

Jenny Nicholson is tired of hearing how the poor are poor because they make poor choices. Let’s see what kind of choices you make when it’s your turn to be flattened by the economy.

That’s the idea behind Spent, an online game Nicholson created to challenge popular misconceptions about poverty. Play it at www.playspent.org.

I made it with $462 left (but rent was due the next day).

ProTip: Don’t Expose Yourself To The Bikini Barista, She Has Access To Boiling Water

What’s the opposite of “shrinkage”? Whatever it is that’s what happens when a bikini barista throws a cup of boiling water on you while you’re spanking the monkey in the “Java Girls” drive-thru.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Existential Eeyore #63: Winter Is Coming

"Last Winter Rabbit was almost eaten by wolves. Hopefully this year they'll do better."

Chinese Government Bans Dog Eating Festival. Frantic Tail Wagging Ensues.

do_not_want
"Eat Mor Chikin"
The Chinese government has banned a 600 year old dog eating festival in the town of Qianxi in which 15,000 dogs are killed and eaten annually. The festival commemorates a military victory during the Ming Dynasty in advance of which the army slaughtered all the dogs in Qianxi so their barks would not alert the town people to the assault. I’m starting to think China is second only to Florida in crazy shit.

Friday, September 23, 2011

I Wonder If Her Name Is “Rose”? Let’s Find Out On This Week’s Edition Of Mugshot Roundup!

Rose Tattoo
I’m guessing her name isn’t Violet or Daisy. Click on this week’s flowery felon for the mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun.
It's Cool Man...
"Go man, click it, it's cool."

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Giant African Snails Invade Miami. Miami Public Schools Soon To Be Serving “Escargot Nuggets” For Lunch

Grab The Salt
The latest group of immigrants to call Miami home are Giant African land snails which can grow up to 8” long. Not only are the snails destroying local plant life but they also destroy stucco and plaster and poop all over the side of houses. Oh, and they can carry a parasite that causes meningitis in humans. This isn’t the first time these commie bastards have invaded Florida, they was an infestation in the late ‘60s when several pet snails were released into the wild and went on a reproducing spree.
Sponge and Gary
Gary is mildly aroused by this story

Who in the fuck not named SpongeBob keeps giant snails as a pet?

Escargot
What a possible solution to Miami's snail problem might look like

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

GeroniNOOOOOO!!!! Suicide By Skydiving

This May Have Been A Mistake

60 year old Robert Raecke commited suicide in Northumberland New York by leaping from an airplane at 8,000 feet and then unbuckling and discarding his parachute. His suicide note didn’t give a reason but his actions certainly had an impact…

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Crazy Criminal Quote Of The Week: "I loved her more than I loved my wife, I was having more sex with the dog than with my wife."

Bad Billydo-not-want

Meet Billy Joe Harris the accused “Twilight Rapist” currently on trial in Texas. Billy claims to have issues, among them are supposedly five distinct personalities. But that’s not the “interesting” part, not by a longshot. Billy apparently has a long, intimate history with animals. Some “highlights” from Billy’s testimony:

Harris said he was made to put on a dress and makeup at age 13 and take part in a threesome with his music teacher and a dog…

Harris claims he killed chickens while masturbating, had sex with a female Shetland pony and had two canine lovers - Fina, a doberman pincher and Lady, a rottweiler.

And our quote of the week: "I loved her [Fina the Doberman] more than I loved my wife," he said. "I was having more sex with the dog than with my wife."

Oh, and there’s space aliens…can you guess if he’s pleading insanity or not?

Monday, September 19, 2011

CNN Instructs You On How To Eat The Female Hairy Crab, Doesn’t Explain Why You Would Do Such A Thing.

Mmmmmmm?
You thought this article was about something else didn't you?
Doesn’t That just look scrumptious? No? Didn't think so. If you’re curious click the pic for instructions on how to eat the hairy crab. Things like this are the reason I enjoy processed foods.
Eat Me
Eat me...you know you want to.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Apparently McDonald’s Actually Can Kill You. Who Knew?

scary_anime_mcdonalds
I have no idea what the fuck is going on in this picture.
A leaky line carrying gas for carbonating beverages at a Pooler Georgia McDonald’s sickened 9 people and killed an 83 year old Florida woman. Damn, talk about dying for a Big Mac…

S. African Court Rules Chinese Condoms Too Small. The Jokes, They Write Themselves…

Xtra Xtra Small
A South African court has issued an injunction barring the government from buying 11,000,000 condoms from Chinese company Siqamba Medical citing the fact that they are too small for use in South Africa. Do I really need to add anything to this? Didn't think so.

I see what you did there...

And A Pumpkin In A Pear Tree…Wait, What?

Pumpkin In A PearTree
Iowa trees bear strange fruit...
I don’t know what’s going on in Iowa but this just ain’t right. Actually it appears that a pumpkin vine climbed a pear tree. Or at least that’s the official story…
The Truth

This Is What It Looks Like When You Swallow $200K Worth Of Cocaine

I'll Have The Tony Montana Special
A 20 year old Irishman apparently ordered the “Tony Montana” from a Brazilian café before attempting to board a flight that would eventually land him in Brussels. The man, identified only as “P.B.B.” had swallowed roughly 2 pounds of coke in 72 separate packages. Police took him to a local hospital where the drugs were removed and “P.B.B.” is now facing 15 years in prison.
tony-montana
Now that's a good lunch mang...
 

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