Forget The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo drift, this is The Motherfucking Saudi Drift In Traffic Featuring AK-47s!
Friday, September 30, 2011
Meet 23 year old Mariah Pyatskowit of Appleton Wisconsin. The student and mother of two, who once tried out for Playboy magazine, completely lost her shit in a local Menard’s home improvement store after she tried to cut into a checkout line on Black Friday and got called out on it. On Monday Mariah received 40 hours of community service for her little performance art piece.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
|"I will haunt your dreams forever."|
Photo Credit: (T&G Staff/DAVID NILES)
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
|"This Little Piggy got fondled, this Little Piggy got sucked, this Little Piggy got amputated...wait, where are you going? Come back!"|
Michael Robert Wyatt, 50, was arrested on Monday after two women identified him from a photo line-up as "the man who approached them in local stores commenting on their feet and asking to suck their toes, said LaTresha Woodruff, spokeswoman for the Conway Police Department
Oh but it gets better, Wyatt has previously served time for foot related crimes…
In the 1990s, Wyatt pretended to be a podiatrist in order to fondle and suck a Conway woman's toes at a clothing store.He got probation for that and then…
In 1991, Wyatt was convicted of making threats for telling a convenience store clerk that he wanted to cut off her feet and suck her toes while she bled to death.He served a year in prison for that one and then…
In 1999, he was arrested again, police said, after asking a woman in a northwest Arkansas Walmart if she wanted him to amputate her feet and showing her pictures of women with no feet.
Monday, September 26, 2011
|If you see this dog DO NOT approach him contact your local authorities immediately.|
A memo was issued warning GSA workers not to use the toilets in the building until further notice. Congress is considering a ban on the Taco Bell XXLGrilled Stuft Burrito in the wake of this national tragedy.
Sunday, September 25, 2011
You’ve lost your job. You’ve lost your house. You’re down to your last $1,000. Can you make it through the month? Give It A Shot.
Jenny Nicholson is tired of hearing how the poor are poor because they make poor choices. Let’s see what kind of choices you make when it’s your turn to be flattened by the economy.
That’s the idea behind Spent, an online game Nicholson created to challenge popular misconceptions about poverty. Play it at www.playspent.org.
I made it with $462 left (but rent was due the next day).
What’s the opposite of “shrinkage”? Whatever it is that’s what happens when a bikini barista throws a cup of boiling water on you while you’re spanking the monkey in the “Java Girls” drive-thru.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
|"Eat Mor Chikin"|
Friday, September 23, 2011
I’m guessing her name isn’t Violet or Daisy. Click on this week’s flowery felon for the mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun.
|"Go man, click it, it's cool."|
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Giant African Snails Invade Miami. Miami Public Schools Soon To Be Serving “Escargot Nuggets” For Lunch
The latest group of immigrants to call Miami home are Giant African land snails which can grow up to 8” long. Not only are the snails destroying local plant life but they also destroy stucco and plaster and poop all over the side of houses. Oh, and they can carry a parasite that causes meningitis in humans. This isn’t the first time these commie bastards have invaded Florida, they was an infestation in the late ‘60s when several pet snails were released into the wild and went on a reproducing spree.
|Gary is mildly aroused by this story|
Who in the fuck not named SpongeBob keeps giant snails as a pet?
|What a possible solution to Miami's snail problem might look like|
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
60 year old Robert Raecke commited suicide in Northumberland New York by leaping from an airplane at 8,000 feet and then unbuckling and discarding his parachute. His suicide note didn’t give a reason but his actions certainly had an impact…
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Crazy Criminal Quote Of The Week: "I loved her more than I loved my wife, I was having more sex with the dog than with my wife."
Meet Billy Joe Harris the accused “Twilight Rapist” currently on trial in Texas. Billy claims to have issues, among them are supposedly five distinct personalities. But that’s not the “interesting” part, not by a longshot. Billy apparently has a long, intimate history with animals. Some “highlights” from Billy’s testimony:
Harris said he was made to put on a dress and makeup at age 13 and take part in a threesome with his music teacher and a dog…
Harris claims he killed chickens while masturbating, had sex with a female Shetland pony and had two canine lovers - Fina, a doberman pincher and Lady, a rottweiler.
And our quote of the week: "I loved her [Fina the Doberman] more than I loved my wife," he said. "I was having more sex with the dog than with my wife."
Oh, and there’s space aliens…can you guess if he’s pleading insanity or not?
Monday, September 19, 2011
CNN Instructs You On How To Eat The Female Hairy Crab, Doesn’t Explain Why You Would Do Such A Thing.
|You thought this article was about something else didn't you?|
|Eat me...you know you want to.|
Sunday, September 18, 2011
|I have no idea what the fuck is going on in this picture.|
A South African court has issued an injunction barring the government from buying 11,000,000 condoms from Chinese company Siqamba Medical citing the fact that they are too small for use in South Africa. Do I really need to add anything to this? Didn't think so.
|I see what you did there...|
|Iowa trees bear strange fruit...|
A 20 year old Irishman apparently ordered the “Tony Montana” from a Brazilian café before attempting to board a flight that would eventually land him in Brussels. The man, identified only as “P.B.B.” had swallowed roughly 2 pounds of coke in 72 separate packages. Police took him to a local hospital where the drugs were removed and “P.B.B.” is now facing 15 years in prison.
|Now that's a good lunch mang...|
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Meet Robert Jeffery Young and Mark Rubinson who took their dead friend Jeffrey Jarret, and his debit card, out for one last night on the town on August 27th. The friends went to various bars and restaurants in the Denver area wrapping up the night at a strip club before returning the deceased to his apartment and notifying police. No word on if the stiff got one final lap dance.
|"Was that wrong? Should I not have said that? Too soon?"|
Kourtney Kardashian Takes 21 Month Old Son To Plastic Surgeon, Didn’t Realize Surgery Can’t Fix Bad Parents.
I know the story is that he fell and bumped is nose so Mom rushed him to the plastic surgeon but I think that’s a cover-up. My sources tell me young Mason was injured when Aunt Khloe dipped him in Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce and tried to eat him…
|Whar Barbeque Baby? WHAR???!!!|
[The Daily Mail via Fark]
Friday, September 16, 2011
|Cheer up little Goat Boy, those lobes will make great handles for your cellmate!|
Wired Calculates The Terminal Speed Of Bird Poop. America Officially Has Too Much Time On Its Hands.
|Whar cure for cancer? WHAR????!!!|
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Apparently “hobo nickels” were a bit a of a folk art trend during the Great Depression as a way to pass time. I had never heard of these before today but here’s a link to a gallery of 38 impressive examples of what a bored man with a nickel, something hard and sharp and a lot of time on his hands can do. [BuzzFeed via MetaFilter]
|No, Ace didn't play the drums. Dumbasses.|
“KISS has a comic book history that spans almost four decades…but it was time to do things better than ever before,” said KISS founder Gene Simmons. “What's bigger than two different companies sharing the KISS license? Archie and IDW will tell two unique and in-your-face tales of KISS, and we're thrilled to be working with them on these projects.”Oh fuck off Gene.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
|The notorious hedgehog pooper-on-er|
|Sonic has vowed revenge for the indignity suffered by his fallen brother.|
Monday, September 12, 2011
From The Smoking Gun:
Meet Caius Veiovis.
The Massachusetts man, 31, and two cohorts are facing murder and kidnapping charges in connection with the deaths of three men, one of whom was expected to testify against one of the accused killers in an upcoming criminal trial.
He kinda looks like a bizzaro universe Aaron Rodgers…
|They see me killin', they hatin'..."|
|"Mark my words, I will eat Joran van der Sloot's children!"|
Sunday, September 11, 2011
A while back I posted about a laser that could start shit on fire, blind your friends instantly and cause skin cancer. Forget that kiddy shit. Wicked has come out with a new laser that is three times as powerful with a beam that can reach into space. Wicked claims that the S3 Krypton’s beam is 8000 times brighter than the sun. Be aware however that the company advises that nobody ever use this laser for anything whatsoever as it is unsafe.
Disney has been accused of slipping subliminal messages in their kids movies for years. This one however isn’t even subtle much less subliminal. But (no pun intended) it does go a long way towards explaining Walt’s meticulously groomed facial hair.
A lovely view of a woman apparently washing up on her porch in Miami’s Liberty City area…
And from Germany (where else?), a naked man in the trunk of a car.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
|Take their kids fishing|
|Go on blind dates|
|Play sandlot baseball with Lord Vader|
Who knew Imperial Stormtroopers lead such, well, normal lives? Check out the entire set here. [via WTC]
Friday, September 9, 2011
The FTC has ordered two app developers to pay refunds to the ~15,000
people morons who paid for the iPhone apps AcnePwner and AcneApp that claimed to cure acne by flashing different color lights. The iPhone may be “magical” but it won’t cure medical conditions. Damn, people are stupid.
Woman dies after injecting hot beef fat into faceThis picture has absolutely nothing to do with the story
From the Chicago Sun-Times:
Janet Hardt, 63, was pronounced dead at 6:25 p.m. at Advocate South Suburban Hospital in Hazel Crest, according to the Cook County Medical Examiner’s office.
A source said shortly before Hardt died she injected heated beef fat into her face around her mouth and chin, which she had done before on several occasions.
ProTip: “Do It Yourself” plastic surgery is never a good idea…
Thursday, September 8, 2011
|Brett Cummins. Get it...Cummins? Never mind.|
"Brett screamed and became ill and left the bathroom and vomited on the carpet in the living room,"
You don’t say…
|Brett Cummins makes these guys look like amateurs|
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
It’s sad when former child stars hit rock bottom after their career fades. Take Gumby for example, once a national icon, now reduced to attempting to rob 7-11s in San Diego. I don’t even want to know what Pokey is doing for money these days…
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Monday, September 5, 2011
|Ed always had a song in his heart, and a heart on the stove.|
Sunday, September 4, 2011
Defendant Pisses In Courtroom Trashcan During Hearing. Doesn’t Plead Insanity. Probably Should Have.
Corey Webb faces anywhere from five years to life in prison for allegedly pulling a gun from his backpack and firing at an officer inside the Smith Juvenile Attention Center during an escape attempt in July 2010. After taking an impromptu break during the hearing to unbuckle his pants and piss in the courtroom trashcan Webb pleaded guilty to aggravated assault of a peace officer. That’s some weapons grade stupid right there.
Where would I be without The Smoking Gun and their collection of “interesting” police portraits of productive members of society? I’ve seen all kinds of body mods but a forehead doughnut? Is that the base for a future unicorn horn? A place for toll change? I guess you could keep lip balm in there or maybe you can open twist-off bottles in it.
|Can you hear the banjos...? Do they have banjos in Scotland?|
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Mötley Crûe bass player, author and Sixx: A.M. frontman Frank “Nikki Sixx” Ferrana is a bit of a Renaissance Man. A prolific photographer Sixx runs an L.A. photography studio called Funny Farm and cranks out some interesting, if a bit dark, work. Click the pic for Sixx’s photo Tumblr.
|When drunken trailer trash attacks!|
|David Senk don't give a shit!|
Thursday, September 1, 2011
|This picture has nothing to do with the story|