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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Goodenough Not Good Enough To Get Away With Stabbing Landlord 55 Times

alexander-goodenough
Never, ever tell this man you love him. Trust me on this,
Meet Alexander Goodenough of Milwaukee. Goodenough is on trial for stabbing Kenneth C. Johnson 55 times. During the course of an argument over prostitution and “deviant” sexual acts Goodenough told officials Johnson said “I love you” to Goodenough, and that’s when Goodenough stabbed Johnson in the back of the neck. Goodenough’s lawyer contends that her client accidentally stabbed Johnson in the throat and that he just happened to be wearing rubber gloves at the time. As for the other 54 stab wounds, well, that was self-defense. Goodenough was so shocked by what had happened he ditched the knife and gloves, stole $150 from Johnson’s room and went to a motel to do heroin with his girlfriend and her mother. Because that’s what you do when you’re in shock from “accidentally” stabbing your friend fifty-five times.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Felix Baumgartner’s Red Bull Stratos Jump Recreated With LEGO. My Life Is Now Complete.

If you were glued to the TV for Felix Baumgartner’s incredible dive from the edge of space like I was you have to watch this.

Friday, October 12, 2012

Bus Driver Delivers Monster Uppercut To Unruly Female Passenger. FINISH HER!

WorldStarHipHop.com is fast becoming one of my favorite sites. Witness as a Cleveland bus driver brings the wood to an out of control female passenger who goes from bad ass thug to whiny snitch in 2 seconds flat. To paraphrase one Twitter commenter: “That uppercut knocked all of the contacts out of her phone”.

Sunday, September 23, 2012

I Am A Leopard, Your Laws Mean Nothing To Me. It’s Time For The Mugshot Roundup Again!

Arrested for failing to appear on speeding and driving with an invalid license c

“RAWR Baby, there should be Prince song about me.”

Come on down and enjoy this week’s bevy of mildly interesting misfits courtesy of The Smoking Gun. It’ll be a hoot!

image

“DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!”

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Ohio Woman Was Married To Her Father For Several Years, West Virginia Jealous.

dyer09cut 

Valerie Spruill

Ohio woman Valerie Spruill was married for several years to man that she later found out was her father. Spruill, who lives in Doylestown, Ohio, says other members of her family knew the dark secret long before the news was revealed to her. Nice.

Apparently Spruill had been given up at 3 months of age to her grandparents by her then prostitute mother who Valerie thought was a family friend. Fortunately Valerie and her father had no children. Her uncle revealed the secret to her after her husband/father’s death and confirmed by a DNA test taken from the late husband/father’s hairbrush.

When asked to estimate how many people know about this, she laughs and says, “Half of Akron.” That’s a hell of a family you’ve got there Valerie.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

In Defense Of The “Dumbphone”

The LG900G, $40 worth of Java App runnin’ EDGE data havin’ mediocrity

Do I love my phone? No. Am I OK with it? Yes. Let’s face it, how much can you really expect from a $40 no-contract phone? It makes and takes calls, browses the web, takes pics and video, has an FM tuner (handier than you might think),Bluetooth, plays MP3s etc., etc… What doesn’t it do? Look cool, have a ton of apps, take good pictures and videos, use a good mobile web browser or app store (although you can get get Java apps @ getjar.com for the 900G) and a million other things, but that’s OK.

It doesn’t have that sweet 5th row of icons that the new iPhone 5 has…

…but it also doesn’t have glassy eyed fanboys camping out on the sidewalk either.apple-fanboy

 

It doesn’t have that cool “tap to transfer” feature that the Samsung Galaxy S3 has (and no one uses)…

But it also doesn’t have glassy eyed Apple fanboys (see above) telling me Samsung copied Apple…

It doesn’t have the svelte looks or the cool PureView camera of the Nokia Lumia 920…

But it also doesn’t have Apple and Android fanboys constantly telling me that Micro$oft sux and that both Nokia and Windows Phone are doomed.

Let’s face it, my phone doesn’t have a lot of things but most of all it doesn’t come with an $80/mo. bill with a 2 year lock-in. For the cost of one superphone on contract I can have a dumbphone, an iPod Touch (or Galaxy Player if you prefer), an in-car GPS and an extra $1500 in my pocket at the end of 2 years. And that doesn’t even take into account the glassy eyed fanboys (see above) who pay a penalty to upgrade with every refresh of their favorite phone. I have big pockets, I can carry more than one device.

Me after not having a smartphone for 2 years

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Naked, Bloody Man “Screaming Like An Animal” Chews On Woman’s Head. Stay Classy Hawley, PA.

ugh-zombie-attack.jpg

    I don’t have a mugshot so this will have to do.

 

20 year old Richard Cimino Jr. certainly had a busy day on Wednesday.

“Naked, screaming and bloody from jumping out a second-story window, a Doylestown man has been arrested in northern Pennsylvania after attacking a woman and “gnawing on her head,” according to state police… “

Yes, gnawing on fucking her head. Never one to settle for mere naked, bloody, screaming head gnawing Cimino also managed to take a shot from a taser and still punch a EMT in the face before being subdued. According to the Scranton Times-Tribune

“…Cimino was later charged with two counts each of aggravated assault, simple assault, indecent exposure and criminal mischief, plus three counts of burglary and one count each of criminal trespass and defiant trespassing.”

And who says Americans are lazy?

 

     A dramatic re-enactment of the attack. Sort of.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Scarlett Johansson Gives A Speech At The DNC, Men Mute Volume, Stare.

I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch her speech but you can watch it here if you like. This post is just an excuse to post pictures of ScarJo.

Johansson_scarlett

 

Scarlett-Johansson

scarlett_johansson_buckley

 

 

 

 

 

 

Scarlett Cap

Billy Jeff

“How you doin’?”

Star Trek Google Doodle

Doodle

If you haven’t yet go to Google.com and check out their Star Trek themed new Doodle while it’s up. Click around in the picture and you’ll find a few surprises.

Doodle Transporter

Boy Is My Face Red. It’s Mugshot Roundup Time Again!

RedMan
Sunburn? Satanic possession? Renegade member of the Lobsterman tribe? Check out this week’s mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun to find out…oh and there’s a cross dressing elderly man just for good measure.
Old CD

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Oh Mugshot Roundup, How I’ve Missed You Baby…

Threw up in my mouth a little
"I knew I should have bought that body waxing Groupon."
I know it’s been a while but the mugshot roundup is back with a vengeance! Click the hairy umm…umm… dude(?) above for this week’s collection from The Smoking Gun.

Existential Eeyore #70: April Fool's Day

"April Fool's Day? Oh bother. As if my life isn't enough of a bad fucking joke."

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Fish: 36, Ice Fisherman: 0

sturgeon

The cuddly fish of Lake Winnebago (WI) got the last laugh when the vehicles of 36 fishermen participating the “Battle on Bago” ice fishing contest broke through the ice. Fortunately there were plenty of beer coolers and foam cheeseheads in the vehicles to help keep them afloat.

Despite Presence of Two Head Trout Mining Company Wants Increase In Amount Selenium It Can Dump In Local Waterways. Mr. Burns Unavailable For Comment.

Two Headed Trout

Two headed trout and other mutant fishies in Idaho streams don’t seem to bother the J.R. Simplot company (potatoes and mining, who knew?) as they seem to feel the amount of Selenium their mines dump in local waterways could be substantially increased. Mr. Burns would be proud.

 

Mr_Burns

Simplot logo

Blinky

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Naked Man Walks Into Wal*Mart, Steals Socks. I Hope He Stole At Least Three.


Think people make fun of Wal*Mart shoppers too much? Think again, there’s a reason for it, as demonstrated by the 300lb naked man who walked into a Philadelphia area Wal*Mart and stole a pair of socks from the customer service area.
Nude Man Walmart
Alleged sock scofflaw Verdon Lamont Taylor

No, I Don’t Have A Dead Rodent On My Head. Why Do You Ask?

Dead Rodent

I’m really not sure what’s on this guy’s head. It sorta looks like something I pulled out of my bathroom drain. Click on our fashion forward friend for this week’s mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun.

Wet Cement-1, Douchebag In Porsche 911–0

cement_porsche
Yes, the cones mean “Don’t Drive Here”. No, your Porsche is not faster than the wet cement. I hope they took their time getting him out so the cement has time to dry on the rotors and in the brake calipers.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Man Ejected From Pub For Smoking, Returns With Chainsaw. Nicotine Is A Hell Of A Drug.


24 year old Dean Dinnen was ejected from a pub in Hull England for lighting a smoke. and decided to express his displeasure with a chainsaw. One patron had his arm sliced while others drove Dinnen away by throwing beer kegs, chairs and pool cues at him. Further proof that smoking bans don’t work.
Dean D
"Wot? Was that wrong? Should I not 'ave done that?"
.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Naked Burglar Arrested Covered In Chocolate And Peanut Butter, Fails The “Tastes Great Together” Test.

ReesesPeanutButterBurglar
"Y'all know you wanted to put your chocolate in mah peanut butter."
Andrew Toothman was arrested at an IGA store in Neon Kentucky for breaking in and vandalizing the store. When Toothman was arrested he was wearing only black boots, peanut butter and chocolate. He apparently apologized by spelling out “Sorry” on the floor of the IGA in NyQuil (The night-time sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so- you-can-come down off your meth binge medicine). Stay classy Neon.

Much Like My Breakfast, STD Rates Are Rising Rapidly Among Senior Citizens.

Austrian
"Guess what Daddy brought home from the pharmacy?"
According to a study published in the Student British Medical Journal, rates of sexually transmitted disease among U.S., Canadian and British baby boomers have doubled over the last decade…
Oh Pfizer! What hast thou wrought?
Scared Old Lady
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

I See You Like My Piercing. Well, You'll Love My Mugshot Roundup...

Boltface
"What? Do I have something in my beard? Crumbs? Mustard?"
I’m not really sure what that is on his face but click on our half human, half robot friend for this week’s mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Woman Can Predict Future With Asparagus. I Predict Smelly Pee And A Lonely 2012 For Her.

Meet Jemima Packington the worlds only known “Asparamancer” who claims to be able to tell the future by tossing asparagus in the air and interpreting how they land. What ever happened to good old fashioned witchery like chicken bones and tea leaves?

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Is Our Children Learning? Apparently Not At This Shcool.

Sign Outside High School Said "Shcool"
This glaring mistake went seemingly unnoticed for months outside Marta Valle High School in Manhattan.
A city worker who asked not to be identified told the Post regardless of who made the mistake, a student or administrator at the school should have noticed and reported it some time ago.
No siht.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Guess Where This Woman Hid 47 Balloons Of Heroin. You Already Know Don’t You?

Oh the things you’ll find during a traffic stop in Ohio. Stolen cars, drunk drivers, women with 47 balloons of heroin tucked into “body cavities”… Meet Tiffany Giummo who believes in “a place for everything and everything in its place” and is now facing felony possession charges.

America Is Doomed. Meet Alana, Honey Boo Boo Child.

It’s not too often I want to murder people but…then I see a clip from “Toddlers and Tiaras” and I have an overwhelming urge to go on a pageant parent shooting spree…

Is Wayne Brady Gonna Have To Choke A Bitch? Not Really, Just Some Mugshots.

Choke A Bitch
"My money, where is it?"
Here’s a mugshot roundup I missed while I was on my posting hiatus. Hey, it looks like Wayne Brady made it after all…
Wayne Brady Gotta Dress In Drag
Wayne fell on hard times after "Whose Line..." was cancelled
EDIT: Here's the Video from Chapelle's Show in case you don't get the headline


Topless Woman With Pants On Head Attacks Bystanders. Stay Classy Monongahela.

Blurry Broad
DO. NOT. WANT.
A possibly mentally ill woman was parading topless down the middle of busy street in Monongahela, PA and according to WTAE:
When a bystander asked the half-naked woman if she was OK, she slapped him across the face, took off her pants and began wearing them on her head and spinning them around,
She also hit a female bystander and scuffled with police before being taken away for a mental health evaluation. Ahh Pennsylvania, the Florida of the North…

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Porn Star Arrested In Breast Milk Brawl. Stay Classy Tor…Ahhh Never Mind.

toriblack2
Sexy Tori
TBmug
Sad Tori
Porn “actress” Tori Black (REALLY NSFW image search) was arrested in Las Vegas after a drunken brawl with her baby daddy over whether or not she had enough breast milk to feed their baby. Neither Black nor Lyndell Anderson, the aforementioned baby daddy, seemed to consider the fact that breast feeding a baby while drunk probably isn’t the greatest idea. Then again, bringing your 5 month baby along to Vegas for the Adult Video News (NSFW) Awards probably wasn’t a great idea to begin with. Tori was nominated for Best *AHEM* Actress, Best Girl/Girl Sex Scene, Best Solo Sex Scene, Best Three Way Sex Scene, and Best All Girl Release. Whew! She’s been a busy girl! Oh, in case you were wondering, she didn’t win any awards.

R/C Drone Discovers Blood River Behind Texas Meatpacking Plant. Leatherface Unavailable For Comment.

meatplant
A Dallas Texas man flying his camera equipped remote control plane made an “interesting” discovery behind a local meatpacking plant. A river of pig blood that was flowing from the plant into the Trinty River. I wonder how much more fun stuff will come up now that camera equipped remote control planes are getting cheap (this guy’s rig was a $75 plane and a simple point-and-shoot camera).
Leatherface
"GRRR NO COMMENT URRR Reeeeeeeeee Reee Reee REEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Monday, January 23, 2012

Skyrim "My Little Pony" Mods


One of the great things about the Elder Scrolls games from Bethesda is that they allow users to modify already great games to add cool new stuff. And then the Bronies get ahold of it…

Flaming Tampon Attack. Need I Say More?

The Flaming Tampon Crew
"Inbred? No thanks, we like Wonder Bread."
Meet Patricia and Quentin Deshong of Metal Township Pennsylvania. The Deshongs (Brother and sister? Husband & wife? Both?) were arrested for vandalizing a woman’s car and attempting to set it ablaze using flaming tampons. Flaming tampons? Methinks Patricia needs to see her gyno…
Additional coverage @ HuffPo

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Man Creates Miniature WWII Town in Backyard For Therapy. Strange, Yet Awesome.

Diorama

From Retronaut:

Marwencol is a fantasy world created by Mark Hogancamp.

After being beaten into a brain-damaging coma by five men outside a bar, Mark built a 1/6th scale World War II-era town in his backyard. Mark populated the town he dubbed “Marwencol” with dolls representing his friends and family and created life-like photographs detailing the town’s many relationships and dramas.

Playing in the town and photographing the action helped Mark to recover his hand-eye coordination and deal with the psychic wounds from the attack. Through his homemade therapy, Mark was able to begin the long journey back into the “real world”, both physically and emotionally – something he continues to struggle with today.”

- Marwencol.com

Diorama 2

Really, REALLY Desperate Woman Offers Sex For McNuggets. Finds No Man Desperate Enough To Trade.

McNuggets

Oh tasty McNugget, is there nothing people won’t do to enjoy your deep fried goodness? Some will even even offer their body for the chance to dip you in honey and take you in their mouth…

Who Says They Only Have Rednecks Down South?

This should be a Winter Olympics sport.

For Your Enjoyment: “Dope Zebra”. Don’t Ask Me, It’s The Internet.

“Pantychrist” Singer Arrested For Murder. I Just Wanted To Say “Pantychrist”.

Pantychrist

Danielle Delottinville the 28 year old lead singer for the Hamilton Ontario punk band “Pantychrist” was arrested along with two male accomplices for the murder of a retired antiques dealer during a botched robbery. They say you can’t judge a book by its cover but…she looks like a psycho killer. Guilty! Guilty I say!!

It Seemed Cool At The Time…And Then I Saw My Mugshot…

Uhhh
"She said it would make me look cool. I think she tricked me. Bitch."
After a fairly long hiatus it’s time for eMike to get back to posting. And what better way than with a favorite subject, mugshots. I don’t know what this guy was thinking when he drew that shit on his face but I’m sure he was popular down at the county jail. Click our cosmic criminal for the most recent mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun.
 

Begging

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