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Sunday, February 26, 2012

Fish: 36, Ice Fisherman: 0

sturgeon

The cuddly fish of Lake Winnebago (WI) got the last laugh when the vehicles of 36 fishermen participating the “Battle on Bago” ice fishing contest broke through the ice. Fortunately there were plenty of beer coolers and foam cheeseheads in the vehicles to help keep them afloat.

Despite Presence of Two Head Trout Mining Company Wants Increase In Amount Selenium It Can Dump In Local Waterways. Mr. Burns Unavailable For Comment.

Two Headed Trout

Two headed trout and other mutant fishies in Idaho streams don’t seem to bother the J.R. Simplot company (potatoes and mining, who knew?) as they seem to feel the amount of Selenium their mines dump in local waterways could be substantially increased. Mr. Burns would be proud.

 

Mr_Burns

Simplot logo

Blinky

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Naked Man Walks Into Wal*Mart, Steals Socks. I Hope He Stole At Least Three.


Think people make fun of Wal*Mart shoppers too much? Think again, there’s a reason for it, as demonstrated by the 300lb naked man who walked into a Philadelphia area Wal*Mart and stole a pair of socks from the customer service area.
Nude Man Walmart
Alleged sock scofflaw Verdon Lamont Taylor

No, I Don’t Have A Dead Rodent On My Head. Why Do You Ask?

Dead Rodent

I’m really not sure what’s on this guy’s head. It sorta looks like something I pulled out of my bathroom drain. Click on our fashion forward friend for this week’s mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun.

Wet Cement-1, Douchebag In Porsche 911–0

cement_porsche
Yes, the cones mean “Don’t Drive Here”. No, your Porsche is not faster than the wet cement. I hope they took their time getting him out so the cement has time to dry on the rotors and in the brake calipers.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Man Ejected From Pub For Smoking, Returns With Chainsaw. Nicotine Is A Hell Of A Drug.


24 year old Dean Dinnen was ejected from a pub in Hull England for lighting a smoke. and decided to express his displeasure with a chainsaw. One patron had his arm sliced while others drove Dinnen away by throwing beer kegs, chairs and pool cues at him. Further proof that smoking bans don’t work.
Dean D
"Wot? Was that wrong? Should I not 'ave done that?"
.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Naked Burglar Arrested Covered In Chocolate And Peanut Butter, Fails The “Tastes Great Together” Test.

ReesesPeanutButterBurglar
"Y'all know you wanted to put your chocolate in mah peanut butter."
Andrew Toothman was arrested at an IGA store in Neon Kentucky for breaking in and vandalizing the store. When Toothman was arrested he was wearing only black boots, peanut butter and chocolate. He apparently apologized by spelling out “Sorry” on the floor of the IGA in NyQuil (The night-time sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, so- you-can-come down off your meth binge medicine). Stay classy Neon.

Much Like My Breakfast, STD Rates Are Rising Rapidly Among Senior Citizens.

Austrian
"Guess what Daddy brought home from the pharmacy?"
According to a study published in the Student British Medical Journal, rates of sexually transmitted disease among U.S., Canadian and British baby boomers have doubled over the last decade…
Oh Pfizer! What hast thou wrought?
Scared Old Lady
"NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!"

I See You Like My Piercing. Well, You'll Love My Mugshot Roundup...

Boltface
"What? Do I have something in my beard? Crumbs? Mustard?"
I’m not really sure what that is on his face but click on our half human, half robot friend for this week’s mugshot roundup from The Smoking Gun.

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Woman Can Predict Future With Asparagus. I Predict Smelly Pee And A Lonely 2012 For Her.

Meet Jemima Packington the worlds only known “Asparamancer” who claims to be able to tell the future by tossing asparagus in the air and interpreting how they land. What ever happened to good old fashioned witchery like chicken bones and tea leaves?

 

Begging

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